A geological perspective of the Cubs championship

“Radio was invented between now and the last time the Cubs won the World Series”

“The Titanic was built, set sail, and sank between now and the last time the Cubs won the World Series”

“There were only 46 states in the US the last time the Cubs won the World Series”

Much has been said about the futility of the Chicago Cubs in their 100+ years of trying to win a championship. Many nifty factoids like those listed above have been countlessly spatted about by broadcasters and general Cubs aggravators and fans alike. And they are nifty factoids. But I think they’ve also been overused. We finally get to retire them! One-hundred-and-eight-years is a long time for the Cubs fans to wait, and now, we get to look back at the Cubs championship drought as history and we must find a new way to talk about it. So here I am, to present a geological perspective on the now past championship drought of my beloved Chicago Cubs.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, Earth has traveled over 63,000,000,000 miles around the Sun. This is enough to travel to Pluto and back… 8 times. It is also roughly the same distance that Cubs fans will run off in the wake of this World Series victory.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, the Ganges Delta in Southwest India has been covered by 665,000,000 tons of sediment – or, enough to bury Manhattan in 1,500 feet of sand (just enough to completely cover the Empire State Building). All that sand wasn’t enough to keep the Cubs from climbing out of their hole 3-1 hole.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, Earth’s population has grown by 5,500,000,000 people. None of them ever saw a Cubs championship… until Wednesday.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, Mount Everest has grown 17 inches taller. The tallest Cubs ever was listed at 6’8”. He never won a championship.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, the San Andreas Fault has moved San Francisco and Los Angeles around 14 feet closer to each other. Sadly, it hasn’t brought the Cubs any closer to a championship (it took the 2016 club to do it).

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, 610 hurricanes have made landfall in the US (according to NOAA). These massive storms have produced nearly as much wind as Cubs fans sighing as they say, “wait until next year.”

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, Hawaii’s Mauna Loa volcano has erupted 13 times, covering the big island in 0.38 cubic miles of volcanic rock. This is roughly a third the volume of Cubs fans’ cumulative tears.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, atmospheric CO2 levels have risen by 100 parts per million, more than they have over the previous 12,000 years. This is enough CO2 to make 1,041,333,333,333,333 bottles of champagne.

In the 108 years between Cubs World Series victories, we have entered a new geological age based on the global footprint of humankind. Similar to the Jurassic (with the dinosaurs) and Pleistocene (with the last ice age) before us, we are now in the Anthropocene. That’s right: The championship drought spanned two different geological epochs.

Clearly, things have changed now. I propose a new unit of geologic time to mark the occasion. I suggest we call it: The Cubsocene.

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